at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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