he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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