someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
