i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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