Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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