he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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