he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
