Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
