sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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