Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We talked him into tasing himself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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