i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
