Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
