pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize