apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
