Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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