SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
