considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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