Your face is a jimmy john
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
