I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
