My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
