i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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