I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
