She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
