Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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