then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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