and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
