guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
