normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
