my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
