The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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