Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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