We're facebook friends in real life
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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