Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
