exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
