I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
