just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
