benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
