i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
