Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
