Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I love you.
Bad choice
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