This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
