Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
