she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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