i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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