Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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