i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
