OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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