My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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