It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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