you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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