just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
