Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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