i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
