i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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