btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
50% drunk capacity currently
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
