I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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