I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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