That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
