I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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