Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
