i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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