Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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