I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
