If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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